Parenting Children: 5 Tips on Helping Deescalate Autistic Children

Parenting children with special needs often feels like a roller coaster ride: there are the slow climbs and the times when you look around at the top, admiring the world around you. Then there are those moments where you hang on by your canines, gripping the sides of the car with ferocious intensity.

It's frustrating to work with your child for hours and days and weeks, finally see progress, only to watch your child seemingly slip back to the same spot where they began. Here are some tips you can keep handy that will help you get through it the next time around:

1) Try and remember that all children's development consists of highs and lows.

Placid and peaceful one year olds turn into driven and conflicted two year olds. The calm, reflective six- year old rushes headlong into the moody, withdrawn seven year old. And the cheerful, happy go lucky ten year old transforms herself into a conflicted, on-the-verge-of-puberty eleven year old.

Remember to pay less attention to your child's physical age than their developmental age. This can be tricky because a 10 year old that acts like the wild, independent four year old is often hard for parents to accept emotionally even though intellectually they know it to be true.

2) Pay attention to the warning signs.

While it's natural for children to experience ups and downs, this doesn't mean you shouldn't keep an eye on your child's behavior. While it may seem pessimistic, it is in fact realistic to prepare yourself for a down turn.

Examine the last few times your child's behavior escalated. How did they react to regular stressors? Were they crankier? Did their sleep patterns become suddenly more erratic? Were they upset about things that usually don't bother them?

3) Avoid the ostrich syndrome.

Often it's hard for parents to accept emotionally that their child is about to lose it. It feels easier to ignore things: even though you know the problem won't go away, at least you'll have some time until you have to deal with what will undoubtedly be a less than fulfilling experience.

Instead, reframe the experience. Instead of assuming that you can do nothing to help the situation (other than damage control), take a proactive stance. Don't assume your child's behavior is the same as it always is a these times, because it isn't. If you examine the situation carefully, you will undoubtedly see several critical differences.

Use this information to reexamine the world from your child's point of view. What is the purpose of this behavior? What are they trying - albeit ineffectively- to achieve? Independence? Some children suddenly get frustrated with their capabilities and go haywire. Peace and quiet? Maybe their environment is too stressful.

Always consider what your child gains from their maladaptive behavior, and try and find a way to teach them or give them what they need.

4) Consider alternative medicine.

There are numerous treatments you can provide for your child that will help her get over this hump. Herbal remedies (check with your doctor or complementary medicine practitioner first) can often make a surprising difference. For example, passiflora with a bit of lobelia are wonderful for helping kids calm down, and lavender underneath a pillow or in a satchet near the bed helps induce restful sleep.

Other options such as massage or acupuncture can also provide relief. These are things that can be done as you need them; you don't need to commit to regular treatments in order to see good results.

5) Take time out for yourself.

After all is said and done, your home and your family will only function as well as you do. In fact, studies show that a mother's emotional and physical health are the critical factors in whether or not a family under stress survives.

Whether it's a night away with your husband at a luxurious hotel, or a luscious Swiss chocolate candy bar enjoyed from the confines of your closet, give yourself permission to jump out of the driver's seat every once in a while.

Had enough of parenting children who tantrum, backtalk, and engage in endless power struggles?

END misbehavior now.

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3 Parenting Tips to Advocate for Functional Skill Training for Your Child in Special Education!

Are you the parent of a child with autism or another disability receiving special education services? Is your child struggling with academics, and you think could benefit from learning functional skills? Learning to read and write are important, but so are functional skills, that can help a child live a full and enriched life! This article will be discussing 3 parenting tips that you can use in your advocacy efforts!

Tip 1: Use Federal special education law Individuals with Disabilities Education Act or IDEA 2004 to strengthen your advocacy efforts for functional skill training. IDEA states that every IEP that is developed for a child must contain a statement of the child's present levels of academic achievement and functional performance. What does this mean for your child? Your child's IEP should state what level your child is at in the area of functional skills. Make sure that these statements are based on objective data such as tests and not subjective opinion.

The law also states that the child's IEP must contain a statement of annual goals in not only academic areas, but functional areas as well. Make sure that the functional goals are specific and are measurable.

Also, make sure that any skills training given to your child is written clearly on your child's IEP and has specific amount of times that the training will be given. Training needs to be given in natural environments and at natural times. For example: Teeth brushing training needs to be given after the child has eaten, either after lunch or after a snack. Training also needs to be community based, so that the child will be able to generalize the skills to all environments.

Tip 2: Use the purpose and findings of IDEA 2004 to convince special education personnel how important functional skill training is for your child. The purpose of IDEA is to help prepare children for further education, employment and independent living. Children must have appropriate functional skills in order to be prepared for their adult life.

The findings of IDEA 2004 from Congress state that the law is to help improve educational results for children with disabilities, so that there is equality of opportunity, full participation, independent living, and economic self sufficiency.

Behavior and social skills are two areas of functional skills that are often overlooked by parents and advocates. Ensure that appropriate social skills and behavior is being taught to your child, so that he or she will be able to be a full participant in the community, when they are an adult.

Tip 3: According to IDEA parents have the right to be full participants in any decision that is made regarding their child's education. The law also includes a section under IEPs, where any information provided by parents needs to be included. Educating yourself not only on why functional skills are important but what is the appropriate type of training that a child needs is important.

Consider writing your own parent input statement about what type of functional skill training needs to be given to your child. Bring this input statement to your child's IEP meeting, and make sure that it is attached to your child's IEP.

Anticipated needs must be addressed by special education personnel and parents. This is a good time to think ahead of the skills that your child will need as an adult, and include functional skill training in your child's IEP or transition plan.

Use these three tips to help you succeed in your attempt to include functional skills training in your child's IEP. They will appreciate your efforts to make sure that they are prepared for adult life!

JoAnn Collins is a successful special educational advocate for over 20 years and author of the book "Disability Deception; Lies Disability Educators Tell and How Parents Can Beat Them at Their Own Game!" The book is filled with truths about special education, for parents, and lots of easy to use advocacy tips. Check out her blog at: http://specialeducationspotlight.disabilitydeception.com/. For more information on the book and special education as well as testimonials on her book, please go to: http://www.disabilitydeception.com/. For questions or comments feel free to E mail me at: JoAnn@disabilitydeception.com.

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